"The grief is simply proof that you're invested in living & loving.

It's Mike's last day ever at Gardens of Eagan today. He's picking 120 or so boxes of kale. I think they have a big order today before the predicted hard freeze, and most everyone stops working for good. He can pick bunches of kale like a madman, fitting 13 bunches under his arm. I wonder how many harvest crew members he's taught to pick kale? A lot. I saw the quote above by Ann Voskamp on Facebook earlier today and it gave words to the ache in my chest and the lump in my belly.

I keep asking him if he's sad. Just today he said yes, he's feeling a little sad. On Saturday we'll all gather there one last time for a private harvest party. We'll cook-off chili, roast pork shoulders, play farm olympics and have a bonfire. We'll probably reminisce. I kind of don't want to go, because I'm tired and it's too sad. I just want to move on. I'll pull it together and go, of course, because like our friend Susan says, we have to go through it. Together, just like we've gone through so much else.

I've been working on something to say to the crew at the harvest party. I think it'll go like this.

I've been driving a lot and so, thinking a lot. Trying to figure out how to find closure. We weren't really ready for GOE to close its doors this year, and when we found out in April it was shocking. We had some indicators, sure, but still. I keep learning in life that the result of things isn't always what we want. People die too soon, you lose big games that you tried really hard to win, stuff happens to all of us. But what our lives are made of is the sum of our days. What we do each day, the work, the words, the actions towards others, that is what creates our life. And all that we have at the end of things. 

GOE is our birthplace; where Mike and I met, where we had our baby, where we birthed our farm business too. It will always be a special place in our heart. A few years ago I wrote an article about a farm being its farmers. I still believe that's true, but now that I've participated in changing a garbage heap of unhealthy soil into beautiful, thriving, land, I understand better the connection of farmers to the land farmed. 

As we leave this place, this 126 acres, this entity, community, brand, co-op-owned farm that is GOE, to the eye we leave some emptyish buildings and quiet tractors and frozen cover-cropped soil with recent remnants of mowed flowers and cabbage. That's what you can see. But really what matters is not what's left. What really matters is what we carry with us, in our hearts, minds and bodies. We carry the experience, the learning, the health of the good food. It has helped make us. We are changed from what we were before we came here to what we've gained from being here. 

We carry countless heads of healthy beautiful broccoli that's fed our family and yours, and countless drops of sweat as we've planted, cultivated and bedded down these healthy fields. We carry countless learnings, and laughs, and tears, and competitions to pack the fastest box of kale. We carry knowledge of the deep satisfaction of participating in the whole life of our food, from seed to swallow. We carry life-long friendships that have been forged as we've worked as hard as ever next to each other. We carry the wisdom of hard practical work of the earth, and the wisdom of helping each other because we're only as strong as our weakest link. We carry the peace of a bone-tired body and mind at the end of a long, hot summer day. We carry the sweetness of a dirty arm around our shoulder and laughter of a co-worker sharing the unspoken understanding of peace gained from bone-tiring earth work. We carry relationships with courageous folks who value humanity and real work and the earth enough to have made choices that have promoted health and spirit and earth and all the other growth in their lives that matters more than money.

We carry the blessing of work that fills us and teaches us and makes us better.

We know we'll find more. But right now we grieve the loss of this experience because of what it means to us. We grieve the loss of this daily community. We grieve the loss of the stewardship of this piece of ground.

But, "The grief is simply proof that you're invested in living & loving."

Thank you all for your investment. For your work. For your love. You are all welcome on a little 16 acre piece of ground in Wisconsin.

Peace out GOE, you live long in our hearts.

<3 J,M+E

The last time I wrote was to invite you all to an impromptu open house and share my feeling of fragility. Since then, we’ve bought a farm, finished our biggest season ever of flowers and currently I’m thousands of miles in the air flying to Reno! If you had told us in January that all of this would have happened, and I’d be on an airplane by myself on my way to Reno, all by September 21^st, I would have laughed. And felt a little concerned. Why? Am I running away?

I am not. I’m a working mom. I’m traveling for work just like a working mom does. I work for a non-profit, MOSES, that has received, ahem ahem, a very fabulous grant, the USDA Beginning Farmer and Rancher Development Program grant, to service beginning farmers. As the co-project manager, I’m flying to Reno to meet for the week with other super fabulous recipients of the grant to share what we’re going to do, and learn what others are doing. And tour farms and water programs in the desert! Wooo-eee. What a trip.

Still feeling fragile. Just left my farm family that I spend a lot of time with for the longest time ever away. Breathe out. I may or may not have cried just a little bit.

It’s so good for our family that I can do this work. I’m so thankful for this job that is wonderful, meaningful, enjoyable work with great farmers, and conveniently located 11 miles from our dreamy farm. With that, like any transition, it’s hard.

Anyway enough about me. Humble Pie Farm friends, I want everyone to come visit our new farm. Please come visit! It’s so beautiful. We have a lot of work to do to make it a functional flower farm. But just the view is so wonderful. It feels so right for us to be there. It is so peaceful, and the neighbors are nice, and it has so much potential. So far we’ve painted the interior of the house. The house is 85 years old, and hasn’t been lived in for a year and a half at least. It was dusty and musty and needed a few good cleanings. As we’ve stayed there a few weekends, and cleaned like crazy and cooked some good food, it’s begun smelling and feeling like a house that’s lived in and loved. I feel like the house has been waiting for us to come: a farm family that will spend a lot of time between its walls and next to its exterior. We’ll drop our dirty clothes in the mudroom/laundry room (yes, right inside the back door! Yay!), jump in the shower and sit in our kitchen and share good food and stories of the day. Repeat. The ground is covered in hay, and soybeans, and just aching for some good cover cropping and soil building, and perennial planting, and just hands in the dirt. I can feel it. It feels good and right, and that is a huge relief after this crazy summer.

I’d also like to give huge, huge thanks to all our flower buyers this season, the retail stores, our CSA members, Birchwood,  the wedding parties, you all know who you are. As I did our last deliveries last Tuesday, and got hugs and kind words all around, I felt so very thankful for the quality relationships, support and love that come from meaningful, relationship-based business. 

We are so lucky to be your flower farmers. Thank you! Mwah.

I’ll close with these photos taken by our wonderful friend Kari’s mom, Janet. She, and her family came to visit on a rainy turned sunny and hot Sunday a few weeks ago. It was a wonderful time. And I'm so grateful for these beautiful photos that document.

And, I’ll be in touch and keep you up to date on our big adventure. 

Peace out friends, take good care.

J,M+E

"Mama, where will our farm go?" 

Amanda took this photo of me and the stunning lisianthus. 

This blog serves as a means of sharing information, and our farm life, and really as a reflection for me. Lately, I've been really busy, and haven't used it as well as I could. Truth is, I've felt so overwhelmed by the size of all of what's going on that I haven't been able to put it to words. The title is something that my little beloved asks often when we talk about moving. Which isn't that often, but they are perceptive aren't they, and he picks it all up. And rolls with it for the most part. Because they are also oh so resilient. Thank goodness.

Me, not as much.

Everything that's happening right now is for good. The midnights of making bouquets with my other beloved. The waaay too thoughtful car trips back and forth from Spring Valley. The less and less time actively caring for my child and more and more time doing other work I really enjoy. The letting go of the flowers earlier than I'd like for the benefit of our big picture. It's all good. It's also sad. And hard. We love our community. We like known soil and space. It's hard to transition. Hard to let go of what and where we've known for awhile, and embrace our exciting and super awesome new.

I feel fragile. I feel tired. I feel fearful. I also feel excited. And hopeful. It really is a roller coaster of emotion, this process.

So, why not have a short notice party and invite all of you! :) 

Please join us on Saturday, August 22nd between 10am and noon for an Open House, refreshments, Flower You-Pick to your heart's content, Flower Child head wreaths and tours. We really just want to thank you for your support and give you big hugs.

We'd love to see you! Please come! We wish you and yours and wonderful weekend!

J,M+E

Hello, hello! Did you see this on Facebook? Mike took a secret time-lapse of us making bouquets. This was a couple of weeks ago. On Thursday we made 118 bouquets in a little over 3 hours or so. That's a bouquet every minute and 45 seconds or so. That's good. Progress.

I love to race and challenge myself. I think that's why Mike and I get along so well. We both love efficiency. We're gaining efficiency this year. We've made progress just in the last few weeks. This week we had no midnights in the sunflower field with the baby monitor and headlamp. We have a beautiful flower farm, which means we're losing a lot of flowers that we just don't have time to harvest. And that's okay. It has to be, this year.

I started working one day a week in Wisconsin. It's so great. Great people, great work. I'm adjusting to being off the farm for one whole day each week. We're making it work. Looking back on the last few months, I just marvel at what we've accomplished. I'm only saying this because I want to recognize how much of it has been due to the help of others. I'm just a bit stunned. It's been amazing. I just can hardly believe all the help we've received along the way. After the initial shock of needing to transform our life, so many wonderful people have helped us along our new path. At every turn, someone good at and dedicated to their work has helped us. Helped us sell flowers, helped us buy a farm, helped us find a new job, helped us maintain perspective. 

I think we mostly don't get to decide what's going to happen in life. We lay good plans, and prepare, but our best skills and character come from flexibility in challenging situations, and learning that we aren't in control. We're just a part of a big, big picture, and each day given the opportunity to fit in and be grateful, or not and be uncomfortable. I've been, and will continue to be my whole life I suspect, both ways. As I get older it's a relief to feel more comfortable in my own skin. Right now, I'm so so grateful for this huge opportunity to grow, and trust and be patient, and the evidence of that trust from the support of our community.

And, oh my goodness, I'm loving our flowers this year. I just love them. And that feels really good.

Here are some photos from our friend and employee, Amanda. She does have a way capturing beauty.

Thank you as always, for your part in helping our family grow flowers.

xoxo
J,M+E

Really, has it been a month since I last posted? Wowza. Well, now that I've finally finished uploading SOME of the photos I want to share to capture the last month, I'll write a little. Starting with the bad news. 

We lost a few sunnies, and ended up with some curly stems due to 40-50 MPH winds a week or so ago. Super bummer. What a sinking feeling to drive out to our field knowing the time and money that has gone into a certain crop, and see the whole of it laying on the ground, after 10 minutes of wind. 

On to all of the good news. 

What a WONDERFUL feeling to book it back from a meeting in La Crosse the next day and see this Gardens of Eagan crew out in said field picking up those sunflower plants and staking them in place. I cried.

We bought an awesome little van. Its name is Clifford. Earl's idea, and I like to support his ideas. I call it Shorty for short. It's a great runner so far, and fits so many flowers!

See?!

We went to the Birchwood Cafe for a meet and greet. It was very fun, and we saw new and old friends.

We had a couple of weddings. I'm loving the weddings this year. I feel more comfortable designing flowers, and am just loving that feeling, and the artistic expression. LOVE my job!

These ladies and I are getting really efficient at whipping together some beautiful bouquets. Emily has been the harvest queen, and Amanda adds the je ne sais quoi. I'm also loving our bouquets, now that we finally have flowers, because they're functional, but also artistic and beautiful. Nothing cookie cutter or boring around here. And, I'm so so happy to have such a great team to work with! 

And then there's this...a new baby cousin. My sister gave birth to Gabriel Andrew on June 20th. A little earlier than expected but healthy and happy mama and baby. He's so beautiful. We just love him.

And then...

I got a job. I'll be working for MOSES, the organic farming organization educating and supporting farmers. I'm so excited. I'll be part-time this summer, and start in the office full-time on September 1st. In the office in Spring Valley, Wisconsin! That's right, dear friends, we're moving to Wisconsin! Yee-ikes! We've gotten a pre-approval for an USDA Farm Service Agency beginning farmer loan to buy the beautiful farm in Plum City in the photos below.

We love it so, and are alternately excited and terrified to make this leap. So many doors have opened, and so many kind, knowledgeable folks have helped us. We're so grateful.

We have some steps to take before it's a done deal, but we're hoping all goes well. We'll be here in Northfield, delivering flowers through mid-September, and Mike will continue to work for Gardens of Eagan through October 15th. After that we'll be working towards going to other side of the river. Next season we will grow flowers and food on our new, hopefully partially certified organic land to continue delivering to the Twin Cities. 

And we hope to do this for many years to come.

Take out soybeans, insert flowers!

Can't you see us here on the front porch rocking in a swing and sipping lemonade when we retire? :)

Phew, no wonder we're tired! So many things to be grateful for. Hope you and yours have a fun, relaxing weekend! We're going to catch up on laundry and make delicious food to eat. And get some work done, of course.

xoxo

J,M+E 

Hello, dear friends! It's been a great week of scramble to the harvest starting line. Last minute things like shoring up packaging and buying a delivery vehicle (stay tuned for the Mystery Machine:). Okay, these shouldn't really be last minute-ers, but we've been a little busy figuring out next year too. Anyway, we have a few UPS trips coming to our little farm in the next week, and we'll go up to King Cargo to pick up the van in the next few days. We're on the brink of flowers, flowers, flowers, everywhere!  

 We've harvested a few snaps and pops out of the hoop house for delivery to the Birchwood, Seward and Wedge Co-ops this week. Whole Foods, CSA members and others, next. Yeehaw!

The field flowers are finding their roots and the sun and rain of these days will serve them well as they begin to take off.

The celosia kind of hated the 36 and 38 degree nights in the field, but most of them toughed it out and they're rallying.

Oooh the bells of ireland! So beautiful.

Perennial phlox next to the road. Love it.

Cover crop rye in the field.

GOE's sweet corn is just peeking its delicious little heads out of the rich soil.

Sunnies to harvest in the next couple of weeks.

Hope you're enjoying the firsts of June. We are savoring these beautiful crisp mornings and light days. I love the beginning of summer with its light spring greens and tender leaves. Each part has its own charm, but beginnings of things are so new and sweet. There's so much anticipation in the possibilities.

Be well, take deep breaths and pauses, and look for flowers all around in the next couple of weeks. :)

xo

J,M+E